The Night Before . . .

I was asked to write something to close out a Johnson faculty, staff holiday gathering. This is what I came up with.

The Night Before Holiday Break*

(*with apologies to Clement Moore)

Twas the night before Break and all throughout Sage,

Not a student was stirring, . . . they’d already disengaged.

A storm was raging, so we called on Fabrizi,

Clearing 8 feet of snow, that should be easy.

Rhonda and Amanda had been given the task,

To order this years gift, an engraved Johnson flask.

And Christine paced the halls, but just for a wink,

She dreamed of skating techies on the Rockefeller Rink.

The Dean had just returned from Korea and Peru,

But there’s only so much that one man can do.

So with holiday cookie crumbs on my keyboard and lap,

I was about to settle down for a long mid-day nap.

When on the atrium roof there arose such a clatter,

I thought for sure at last the glass ceiling might shatter.

Then who should appear, but the top banana,

Our own made-to-order non-denominational Santa.

Dressed in an elegant Brooks-Brothers suit,

What a shame it was covered in snowflakes and soot.

In his bag was a Kinara, and also a Dradle,

An Equinox crystal, and baby Jesus cradle.

He spoke not a word, but sent out a memo,

Forget about your inbox, there’s no problemo!

Close your spreadsheets and cancel your meetings,

There’s enough going on with the snow and the sleeting.

And with that he produced a holiday feast,

For all Faculty and Staff to give thanks and peace.

So we ate and we drank and all gained some clarity,

For a better world we need hope, faith and charity.

Then he sprang to his ride, a luxury jet plane,

And addressing his crew he called out their names -

Now Sunny, now Huling, now Virinda, and Mannix,

On Carolyn, on Stayman, on Thomas, on Xanax.

And like that mighty engines started to purr,

Some how our jobs all felt more secure.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of site,

There’s free left over pizza in the Parlor, and to all a good night!